Crazy people at the airport...

I was at the airport yesterday waiting for my wife to arrive and, as usual, there was an interesting array of people there.

First, some loud mouthed guy on his cell phone non-stop. High teens low to mid 20s age, acting all tough on his phone. He’s telling his friends that he’s pissed because they wouldn’t let him into the terminal.. He said he was there to pick up a child (with no documentation), he tried to pass off a piece of paper as a ticket, they still wouldn’t let him in. Then, he claims that he told them they’d better let him in or else he’d “kick their asses”. Uh-huh, if you even came close to that your ass would be in a back room in the airport being drilled by security and the local police department. He’s also talking down to some girl (probably his GF that he keeps her self esteem crushed so she’d stay with him).

Karma caught up to him. His mom called, they were stuck on the tarmac because someone got sick and they needed the CDC to clear the plane. HA HA! He was telling her to fake being sick. Yeah, that’ll work, that’ll just make them wait longer.

A couple came in from the terminal with a small child. The mother went to the rest room and the father was too busy on his cell phone to notice that their child was standing at the top of the down escalator playing, and blocking people from going downstairs to baggage claim. I was hoping that the father would drop his cell phone down to the first floor (I don’t want to see the kid get hurt from his own ignorance).

Of course some other bratty kid came up to me and demanded that I give him my Nintendo DS. Yeah, right. No, it’s not your turn. It’s my DS that I bought with my own money. Learn some manners. Of course he goes crying off to his mommy who told him I was being a “mean man”. Fine lady, can I have that laptop in your bag? No? You’re being mean. Like hell I’m going to give a Nintendo DS (that I was using at the time, BTW) to a completely strange kid (plus, kid’s mom, didn’t you ever teach your kids to NOT talk to strangers? If I was a pedophile I could have easily lured that kid away into my car while you were being completely ignorant of the situation and he would be GONE. Obviously chatting on your cell phone is far more important than your child).

I also love watching people argue with security. Pay attention to the rules people. No, you cannot bring that bottle of water onto the plane. You say its water but how can they know? Yes, the knives are for cutting steak but guess what, they are NOT going onto the plane (and arguing with security will NOT get you anywhere so don’t even continue arguing). Wisen up people. Also, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR BAGS UNATTENDED. Almost every time I go to the airport security is a few seconds away from closing the terminal because some moronic ass-muncher leaves a bag on the floor (like when going though the zigzag line at security). Of course, at the last second someone just picks it up and acts like nothing happened. Maybe these people should be pulled aside and fully strip searched (cavity search time!). Maybe that will teach them to just leave their bags and risk tens of thousands of travelers getting to where they need to go on time.

Don’t get me wrong, there were dozens of happy reunions (including mine). People were very happy to see each other (I couldn’t get the opening scene of “Dogma” out of my mind with Ben Affleck and Matt Damon). It gave me a warm feeling in my heart. Either that or my heartburn was acting up again. 

Of course driving in and out of the airport is a living hell, too. People who can’t figure out the self-pay lanes in the parking garage, people slamming on their breaks on the highway that goes around the airport and jumping across 3 lanes. People who drive by the terminal then slam on their breaks to pull across 4 lanes of traffic so they can drop someone off (did you not notice the pretty colors or the huge terminal numbers?). Leaving is dangerous enough. Even with police there stopping traffic to let pedestrians walk across the road people still fly though almost hitting us. Morons.